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thin ribbons flutter and red flowers bloom. After crying myself to sleep, my sanity returns. Waking in the morning, I am broken and alone. For now the storm has calmed but the lull makes me anticipate the gather of it's power and I'm scared. |
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When I asked you if you were happy there was silence and then a small yes, it's good, -I want you happy. But I'm sorry I could not return the same answer to you. Even at the lowest I've been I've always managed fine A second before my blood flows -i'm fine A second before my body ends -i'll be fine and now after you called, sitting on the toilet floor, I'm fine. The last resort When daydreams don't disperse the night mares I only find warmth in dark images of destruction Cutting deep for the first time, the ruby red pearls fall in harmony with my tears As my lips pray for natural death I cry, huddled into a ball on the bed. i cry, cutting deeper and deeper, as if to prove that i have real reasons real reasons which are different from everyone else's genuine reasons for feeling like this. What can I say? What a lovely sleep I had, What a beautiful morning. What a crap afternoon. But what's my evening going to be like? Pain. I read my writings, wondering at the meaning of the words I wrote. Do I feel what I say, or is it that I say what I feel? How do you find the words to fill the silence your eyes left? I show happiness to low people, -too delicate to deal with mine. I try to remind myself I am unstable but then I fool myself with white lies. And I relax the chains and once more feel the pain. |
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